And the Pain of Ignorance
by unzulaenglichkeit
Summary: Hikari has feelings for one of her friends but he doesn't seem to be interested. Sequel to TPoLaD. Finished
1. Chapter 1

I decided to write a kind of sequel to "The Pain of Living and Dying". It's not necessary to have read it to understand this but I guess it wouldn't hurt either. Oh, if you decide to read it you could REVIEW! Thanks. Now enjoy. 

… and the Pain of Ignorance 

In the dim light of the streetlamps the young girl was on her way home. The sound of her feet hitting the cool concrete echoed through the twilight. The normally busy streets were strangely quiet now that most people had returned to their homes. Only a few were still on their way home and Hikari Yagami was one of them. She only looked up occasionally to see were she was going. But even then she only looked up for a few seconds before she lowered her head again. 

The wind had gotten stronger and was now pressing forcefully through the thin fabric of her light jacket. She shivered a little and increased her pace as the icy wind crept over her skin. The apartment she lived in was only a few minutes of walk away but the gusts hitting her face seem to get stronger and colder with every step. As she wrapped her arms around her body to warm herself she couldn't help but wishing to be held this way by somebody else. 

But instead of giving her warmth those thoughts only sent more unpleasant shivers over her body. What good did it do to love somebody if this person could never return your feelings? How often had she thought about telling him how she felt but decided against it the last moment?  She had stopped counting and she had almost given up hope that they would ever be together. Being best friends was probably the closest things they could ever be but that didn't matter to her anymore as long as she could see him and being friends at least gave her the possibility to help him whenever he needed somebody. 

He would never ask anybody else for help, of that she was sure. No matter how impossible his situation was he wouldn't want to bother anyone with his problems and that worried her greatly. So she decided being friends would be the best for both of them and she would never risk this precious thing for the slim chance of mutual love. 

In the meantime she had reached her apartment block. She was grateful to be home at last and save from the wind. While she climbed the stairs to her apartment she fished for the keys in her pocket. 

After smashing the door shut behind her she headed straight for her room never bothering to announce her presence or even to switch on the lights. It didn't matter anyway since her parents and her brother were visiting her grandparents and so she was alone save for her Digimon partner Gatomon who was snoring lightly in a small basket in the corner of her room. She just let herself drop lazily onto her bed and buried her head in her pillow. She remained in this position for a few moments listening to the silent and dark apartment around her. 

She found it intriguing that it was never absolutely silent. Even if nobody was around you could still hear a countless number of noises. She didn't even have to strain her ears much. The light breathing of her cat-like friend in her basket, the neighbours next door shouting at each other, the wind howling outside, all these things and many others, most of them even more subtle like the dripping of the water in the bathroom, she could hear. 

She enjoyed this kind of silence. It was good to hear those things. Without them it would have seemed unreal and unsettling. She had never been to a place of absolute silence. There were always sounds even if it was just the monotone sound of waves on the shore. 

But this was the last thing she wanted to be reminded of at the moment so she got up and a grabbed a CD and put it into her CD-player. Only when the music started playing she noticed which CD she had taken. She cursed under her breath but did nothing else to stop the music. 

_Please come near me, will you hold me?_

_I am leaking so very badly... ___

_Will you stop up my holes? ___

He had bought that one for her. They had only met by accident in the small shop but when he saw the CD in her hands he took it and bought it for her. He had told her that he liked her taste in music and then he had smiled at her. One of those rare beautiful smiles. At that moment she had only wanted to throw her arms around him and never ever let him go again. But he was gone before she could even thank him properly. 

_If your answer is "No, I'm busy," ___

_I will follow you out to the garden. ___

_I can smell you from three miles away. ___

The next time they met was in the park. She had seen him hurrying through the groups of people and had called out to him. He had seemed a bit stressed but he had stopped never the less and had talked to her. He had listened to everything she had to say patiently and only later she learned that he had missed an important exam due to their encounter. 

_If your answer is "Get me dirty," ___

_you could stop up my holes so nicely. ___

_I won't leak anymore. ___

After that they ran into each other more often and their friendship grew stronger. He had taken the place of his brother as her best friend and she told him almost everything that was on her mind. Almost. 

During all those hours they spent together she never told him that she wanted more than he was giving freely. Every time they met she waited for him to say those fateful words she wanted to hear so much but they never left his lips. 

_If your answer is "No, I'm sleepy," ___

_I will stare at your face with longing... ___

_I will chew on your face. ___

So she decided to just stay friends. Maybe her feelings for him would slowly fade. She didn't really want them to fade but if there was no hope for a relationship what good would it do to cling to them? 

_And then the night comes like an unfolding, ___

_Unscented flower I'll be sent away._

The music had stopped playing a few minutes ago and the apartment was silent again but that didn't bother her anymore. In fact she had barely noticed it since she had other things occupying her mind now. 

She got up from her bed, pushed open the glass door and walked out onto the small balcony. The wind had died down to a light cool breeze and the dark clouds where gone. She looked up at he moon, which was almost perfectly circular now. 

But no matter what she did her thoughts always drifted back to him. Why wouldn't he feel the same about her? He had had no serious relationship with a girl during the last four years only a few girlfriends but it never lasted for more than a few weeks. And he was certainly not gay of that she was sure. But if it wasn't an other girl what else could keep him from developing more serious feelings towards her? 

Did he think she was too young? Maybe, but then again he had been going out with girls who had been even younger than her. Was she not pretty enough? It was true she had changed a lot during those last years and she was no longer the sweet little girl she had once been but that didn't make her ugly, did it? 

She went back into her room and regarded herself in the mirror. 

The silvery light of the moon gave her skin a certain glow. She couldn't be too pale, could she? She had to admit that once tanned skin had paled a few shades but she liked it better that way and after all it was nothing compared to his ghostly white skin! 

She looked herself over once more but couldn't find anything witch would make her absolutely unattractive. He had even told her once how good-looking she was so what else could it be? 

They had so many things in common and it didn't matter if they talked or if they just enjoyed each others company it was never boring. They like the same places and had the same kind of humour. What else could he ask for? 

"It's him again, isn't it?"

The quiet voice of her Digimon interrupted her train of thoughts. 

Obviously Gatomon had woken up some time ago and seen her running around restlessly. The cat Digimon silently jumped onto her bed and found her place on Hikari's lap. The young girl began to stroke her partner's head absent-mindedly. 

"Well?" 

Again the Digimon's soft voice brought her back to reality. She sighed but answered this time. 

"Yes, it's him again. I really don't know what to do any more." 

Her partner was the only one who knew about her feelings towards the young man and she had had to promise not to tell a single living soul about it. 

"Go and tell him." 

"I can't do that. If he doesn't feel the same about me it would ruin our friendship and I can't risk that. I don't want to loose him," the young girl confessed. 

"Well, then there is nothing you can do beside waiting. But please stop pacing through the appartment the whole night. It's not making it better and it's getting on my nerves." 

That said Gatomon jumped down and took her place in her basket again. After only a few moments the Digimon's even breathing indicated that she was fast asleep. 

Hikari watched the small Digimon for a while and thought about her advise. It was true if she didn't tell him she might near know the truth. But would that be that bad? At least it was better than loosing her best friend. She knew that the only one who could give her advise was also the one who was the problem. 

Again she had spent half of the night brooding over her situation but it hadn't brought her any further so she decided to continue her musing tomorrow. 

She buried her head deep in her pillow again and was fast asleep only a few moments later. But even in her sleep she couldn't let go of her problem and so she was mumbling his name while she dreamed of their future together. 

"Yamato."

* * * 

I guess it was pretty obvious whom Kari was thinking about the whole time. Did you like it? I wrote it in one afternoon (which is pretty fast for me, hehe) to have an excuse for not studying which I'm supposed to do. I'm not sure if I should end it here or if I should go on? Tell me what you think and REVIEW! Please. ^__^


	2. Chapter 2

As you can see I decided to continue this. I have no plans yet how long this is going to be but as long as somebody wants me to continue this I'll continue it. Now enjoy and review! 

… and the Pain of Ignorance 

He had warned her so many times not to come to this place or at least not all alone. But she couldn't resist. She just loved this place and he did as well. To others it may have been just an other abandoned factory but to them it was so much more. 

She marvelled at the light of the late afternoon sun on the broken windows lying on the floor covered by layers of dust. Everything around her was silent. The sounds of the busy city were barely  audible in the empty halls. At night the place was almost crowded with all the homeless and junkies and freaks seeking shelter for a few hours but during the day the place was normally empty. 

Hikari kept glancing at her left and right side while she slowly walked down the long hall towards the stairway leading up to the second floor and the roof. She was pretty sure that she was alone but through a few unpleasant encounters she had learned to be careful. She knew how to defend herself but with all the freaks running around she couldn't be careful enough. 

The stairs weren't a much saver place either. She tried to stay close to the wall always keeping her eyes on her feet climbing up the crumbling stairway. When she had finally reached the top and pushed the rusted metal door open she was greeted by a gust of cool wind. She stepped out onto the roof and walked over to the edge of the building while deliberately avoiding the dangerous holes. From this place you could see the old factories and warehouses stretching out towards the city. The sun was still high but soon it would go down behind the tall skyscrapers casting long shadows over these deserted ruins. 

"How often did I tell you not to come to such places alone?" 

The unexpected voice from behind her had startled her and she quickly whirled around to face the intruder. She had already recognized the voice but she had to be sure that it was really him. 

Yamato had stepped out behind an large old brick chimney where he had previously been hidden from her eyes. His big blue eyes where glittering in the afternoon light like the sea but his face was serious. She thought she could see a hint of curiosity in his eyes and maybe something else but she wasn't sure. 

"Often enough, I guess but that won't keep me from doing it and you know that." 

"Yeah, I knew it but that doesn't mean that I'm less worried. There are other, less dangerous, places as well so why do you insist on coming back here again and again?" the older boy inquired. 

She just stared at him for a moment before a broad grin spread on her face and she started to giggle. The blond boy gave her a bewildered look. 

"You think that's funny? Well, sorry, but I can't laugh about it. I was really worried." 

"No, silly, it's not that. It's just that you always have to suspect some great design behind everything. There are things in this world without a deeper meaning behind them. Is it so unbelievable to you that I just come here because I like this place?" 

She grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to the edge of the roof and gestured towards the city. 

"It's so quiet here. There are no cars, no quarrelling people, just us. Look, how beautiful the skyscrapers are glistering in the sunlight. Do you see what I mean? This place is special not because it is meant to be something extraordinary but because it is probably one of the most ordinary spots in town. There is no higher meaning behind it. People used to work here to earn some money, to feed their children and themselves. There is nothing special about that, right? 

Forget all those things you are constantly worried about for just a few minutes and relax a little. You have to lighten up once in a while, you know." 

He gave her doubtful look but she noticed that he also seemed less worried now. She smiled at him warmly and tugged on his arm again. 

"Come on, let's sit down for a moment and watch the city for a while." 

He didn't answer her but sat down willingly beside her. They stayed like that for quite some time without speaking or looking at each other. The sun was now slowly beginning to sink behind the highest buildings and casting long shadows over the outskirts. 

Hikari was the first one to break the silence. 

"Now you know why I am here but you never told me why you always come back to this place. So, why are you here today?" 

"Would you believe me if I told you that I love the atmosphere?" 

"Maybe, but I wouldn't be satisfied with that answer because I know that there has to be something more behind it. I'm sure I know you well and long enough to know that you do nothing without pondering it for days. You have many qualities but spontaneity isn't one of them." 

Her smiling face slowly became more serious. They were still looking out at the city but when Yamato turned his head for the first time since he had sat down to look at her he couldn't help but notice how mature she looked. Her hair, a little longer now than it had been a few years ago, was pulled back into a ponytail. Her features were more feminine now but she still had those warm eyes that made her look like the little innocent girl he had known once. 

Suddenly she turned towards him and looked him straight in the eyes. 

"You don't trust me." 

He was a little taken aback by her sudden accusation: "What makes you think that I don't trust you?" 

"You never tell me what's really on your mind. I can tell when something is bothering you. I would be there to listen but you keep all your problems to yourself. So this can only mean that you don't trust me." 

He shook his head a little: "I'm sorry if I gave you that impression but that's not the case. I trust you but I really don't have any problems at the moment I would need to talk about." 

"Don't lie to me! You can fool others with that look but I can see that there is something going on behind your mask!" 

"I didn't mean to keep the truth from you, sorry. But, honestly, Hikari, there is no one who knows more about me than you. Not even my own family knows the things you do about me. It's not easy for me for some different reasons to let somebody else into my life. So, please, understand that there are a few things I don't want to talk about." 

"I think I can relate to that a little." She was looking back at the city again and her voice had taken a much softer tone. "There are also a few things on my mind that you don't know about either. It seems that I'm not ready to talk about them and I'm not sure if I ever will be but when I'm ready I will come to you to talk about them. 

Anyway, I forgive you but I'm not going to give up. I'm going to find out what's bothering you!" 

Yamato was laughing lightly while Hikari got up and left the same way she had come earlier. He listened to her fading footsteps for a while not leaving his place at the edge of the roof. It was good to see her happy side. He knew that she had her own share of problems to deal with but she had managed to keep this side of her as well. 

But he also had to think about the things she had said and about the sudden change of tone in her voice. He couldn't help but wonder what was possibly on her mind that she couldn't talk to him about. 

He watched her as she left the crumbling building and made her way towards the next subway station which was somewhat far away. It was then that he understood how special she was to him. The only thing he wasn't sure about was what he wanted her to be to him. He didn't feel ready for it yet but he knew he was slowly falling in love with her. 

A moment before she disappeared behind an old warehouse he began to sing quietly. 

_If you could step into my head, _

_Tell me, would you still know me_

_If you woke up in my bed, _

_Tell me then would you hold me_

_Or would you simply let it lie,_

_Leaving me to wonder why_

_I can' t get you out of this head_

_I call mine_

_And I will say_

_Oh no I can' t let you go,_

_My little girl_

_Because you 're holding up my_

_World, so I need you_

_Your imitation of my walk_

_And the perfect way you talk_

_It' s__ just a couple of the million_

_Things that I love about you_

_So I need you_

_…_

* * *

I forgot to mention it the last time. The lyrics in the first chapter and in this chapter don't belong to me. The song in chapter one is "'ere the flowers unfold" by Cinema Strange and "So I need you" is property of 3 Doors Down. I'm going to use a new song in each chapter but if I don't find a place to fit it in I won't force it. 

Thank you for all the reviews! It feels good to know that some people read and maybe even enjoy my stories. 


	3. Chapter 3

... and the Pain of Ignorance 

Why was this so hard? It would only be one short question and the time of uncertainty would end immediately. If she just asked him what he really thought about her. No longer lying awake at night, wondering what he saw in her. But it could also be the end of all hope of a future together. If he said no, her dreams would shatter like glass. Their relationship was fragile, like a delicate flower, and if he really rejected her it would destroy everything they shared. Was she ready to risk that? If she did nothing they could be together as friends and no matter how much she wished for more she was still too frightened to endanger their friendship. 

_You opened my heart when you opened your eyes_

_And I beheld the dawn of the hidden sky_

_I felt a breeze, so gentle and mild_

_And when I glanced the sunrise, then I knew I could fly_

Hikari closed her eyes and curled up on her bed. She wanted to sleep and to escape to a better world in her dreams, were things were not so complicated and were everything turned out right in the end, but sleep just wouldn't come. Every time she closed her eyes only to open them a few moments later and to go on musing about her situation. 

She had tried to listen to some of her CD's but that didn't help either. Instead of making her sleepy each song seemed to focus her thoughts more and more on the blond boy. 

****

****

_Oh, I see the sky, in your eyes_

He could have every girl yet he was alone most of the time. Some had already suspected him to be gay and Hikari had to admit that their reasoning sounded logical at first. But he had made it clear that he was straight when the first brave guy had tried to ask him out. 

She had to snicker at the memory. The look on Yamato's face had been priceless. At first he had just starred at the boy blankly. It took him a few seconds to comprehend the whole situation. After almost half a minute had still hadn't said a word and the poor boy was almost freaking out by then. Finally he had found the words he had, obviously, been searching for and told the guy politely to get lost. Just before he made it _absolutely _clear to everybody present that he was not gay. 

_Please grab my hand and take me away_

_Take me into your eyes to meet a beautiful day_

_Take me into the sky, where the birds always sing_

_And put me on a cloud, where dreams begin_

But if he was straight then why did he not go out with girls either? Sure he had been out a few times with some girls from school but that was more out of politeness. He hadn't had a girlfriend in ages. She knew that he had problems trusting other people, he had said so himself, but she also knew that she was one of the few people whom he trusted. So, if it was not a lack of trust, what was it then? Was he not attracted to her at all? It couldn't be that, could it? He had told her himself that he thought she was truly beautiful. 

Even now, alone in the darkness of her room, she couldn't help but blush and smile to herself like she had done when he had said it for the first time. She just knew that he had been honest back then. After all she had seen it in his deep blue eyes. If he had lied to her she would have noticed it immediately. He couldn't lie to her just like she couldn't keep things hidden from him. The only way to keep things unknown to the other was not to speak about them at all. 

_And when sunset comes let me watch the stars_

_Don't close your eyes cause it would break my heart_

_Oh, please my love, please let me see_

_Don't close your eyes, cause you know it would kill me_

She quickly grabbed her small black teddy bear and hugged it tightly. He had given it to her on her fifteenth birthday. She could still remember how angry she had been when she had opened his present. Obviously he still thought of her as a little girl. She wouldn't have accepted the bear at all if it had been someone else. Only later that day, when she was alone in her room, had she noticed the small piece of paper stuffed into the red ribbon which had been tied around the bear's neck. After gently removing the ribbon and reading the small note carefully she had cried. But the tears had been tears of happiness. She had hugged the bear tightly like she did right now and had read the note once again. 

'Always remember that you will never be alone.

Yamato' 

Even back then she had dreamed of being held by her blond friend instead of hugging the bear. But doing so and knowing that he had really thought about her and her feelings when getting this present made her feel warm inside. 

He knew how much she feared to be left behind and how much she needed to have friends around her. She had always been a well of happiness and support for her friends and family but without their support she would have dried up quickly. He had noticed that pretty soon and had tried to make her feel secure and loved. 

But knowing that he cared for her but yet refused to be with her had hurt her even more and it still did. He had never told her what he thought about her directly. He almost seemed to enjoy being an enigma to the people around him. Whenever it was possible he tried to make his answer as vague as possible. There were times when you had to interpret each of his words and in the end you could only guess what he had really meant. This behaviour annoyed a lot of his friends and even his family but Hikari had always tried to be patient with him for she knew that he was patient with her as well. 

She still held onto her bear tightly when she crawled under her blanket. She had finally come to a decision. If she went on like that, waiting for Yamato to finally confess his love to her, her hair would soon turn grey. She had to take the first step and make him see what he was missing. Tomorrow she was going to tell him what she felt for him. With that final thought in mind she closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into her warm bed. 

_Oh, I see the sky, in your eyes_

_Oh, a beautiful sky, down deep in your eyes_

*

At the same time a lone figure was wandering through the deserted park. A bag was thrown lazily over his shoulder and the wind blew lightly through his golden hair. His head was down and he seemed to be deep in thoughts. At a wooden park bench he stopped abruptly and after a moment of hesitation he sat down. As he ran a hand through his hair he watched the silvery moon reflecting on the rippling surface of the small lake before him. 

But his mind was currently occupied with other, more important, things than the serene scenery before him. The impossible thing had finally happened. His luck had left him and he had suffered a painful defeat. He had already had a bad feeling when he had arrived at the university for his final, decisive, test today. He had even tried to learn for this test, which was against his habit, but it was no use. If he wanted to try it again he would have to begin from scratch again. 

But beside the shame of failing even such an easy test there was also the problem of what he was going to do now. 

Hikari was surely going to be disappointed. Hikari? It surprised him how often his thoughts were with Taichi's little sister lately. No matter what he did these days he always wondered what she would think about it and what she was doing at the moment. 

In the past she had only been the little sister of his friend and his own brother's best friend but he had already cared for her. Her carefree, happy smile had melted through his defences immediately. Back then she had reminded him of his own little brother but he had to admit that she had become a beautiful young girl. She had grown up and it had become impossible for him to see only the innocent little girl in her. 

But despite his steadily growing feelings for her he tried to convince himself that it wouldn't work. He had come up with a hundred reasons to assure himself that it would be a bad idea to ask her out. It would only make his and especially her life more complicated. He would probably just end up hurting her. There were so many good reasons for them to just stay friends but most of all he feared to lose her. What if she didn't feel the same for him? What if they broke up and she never wanted to see him again? 

But then again he had nothing to lose anymore. His life couldn't get any worse form here. He felt a little guilty for dragging her down with him but maybe that wasn't even going to happen at all. She was his vision of a better future. If she was with him he would have a reason to try harder. He was going to make her proud. 

In a quick motion he stood and began marching towards his apartment. For the first time in ages he felt like he had found a goal worth working for. 

* * * 

This time I used the song "Eyes of the Sky" by 'Lake of Tears'. I'm well aware that most of the songs I use are not really mainstream but I like them and I think they are fitting for the story. I think this will be going on for one or two more chapters. This whole thing turned out to be a kind of song-fic. I swear I never planed to do that. I just hope I'll be able to find a fitting song for the last chapter(s) as well. I think I'm going to end this soon just like my other unfinished fics. 

Thanks for your patience and the reviews! 


	4. Chapter 3

... and the Pain of Ignorance 

Hikari was about to knock on the door but she hesitated. Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't agreed. She just could have said no and he still wouldn't have been angry or disappointed with her. He had always shown so much understanding for her and it wouldn't have been any different this time. 

But when he had called her late last night and asked her to come over the next day she had immediately known that something was going on. First of all he rarely ever called her. He didn't like talking on the phone so he tried to avoid using it as far as possible. But that alone wouldn't have been enough to disturb her. He had been breaking out of his normal behavior every now and then so only that wouldn't have been so unusual. 

But after hearing his voice she had known that something was going on. Even if it was just something insignificant it was still enough to throw him a little off balance. She had heard it in his voice. He had almost sounded as if he was a little overexcited and maybe somewhat nervous. But what could have possibly caused these two traits which he normally tried not to show too much to become so obvious? Yamato had learned to control his feelings rather well over the years. So this could only mean that something really important was on his mind. 

She had wanted to find out what was bothering him but now she was unsure. At first it had seemed like a welcome distraction from her own worries but the all those thoughts about Yamato just added more complications to her own problem. Should she tell him now how she felt about him? Or would it maybe be better to wait until he was his old self again? 

However she was suddenly brought out of her reverie by a soft voice calling her name: 

"Hikari? Are you alright?" 

Unconsciously she had knocked on the door while she had been standing there in the hallway and pondering what she should do. Yamato had opened and was now standing before her with one hand still resting on the handle and a worried expression on his face. 

"I'm fine. Sorry, I was just thinking about something. Don't worry about me," she answered while shaking her head energetically and bringing a smile to her lips. She didn't really have to force herself to smile. Upon seeing his face and his beautiful blue eyes all her worries had been washed away. At least for a while. 

"Well, that's good to hear but you know I'm always worried about you," he replied while inviting her to come inside. The worried look was already gone but Hikari thought she had noticed a little uncertainty behind his friendly smile. But what could he be so unsure about? 

She quickly took her shoes off and let herself being led into the main room of the small apartment. It was the first time he had invited her to come over. She had been to his old apartment a few times which he had shared with his father before he had finally moved out but she hadn't seen his new one until now. 

While they sat down on the couch she kept examining the apartment. Everything seemed exceptionally clean and tidy. There wasn't much furniture and even less pieces of decoration. Only a few photographs of his family had been neatly lined up on small dresser. The late afternoon sun which was bathing the whole room in a warm orange light was reflecting on the pictures' simple silver frames and casting fragile figures of light onto the room's ceiling. 

"I didn't know you were such a tidy person. How long did you have to clean before you invited me over?" 

"About two minutes. I had to learn how to run a household when I lived with my father. He wasn't home half of the time so it was up to me to keep the house clean and to care for everything else," he answered absentmindedly while tried to get comfortable on the couch. 

Her attention had now shifted from the apartment's furnishings towards the blond boy beside her. "That's really impressive and I'm sure every girl would be thankful to get a man with these abilities but I guess it's not the reason why you called me over. You sounded pretty exited on the phone. Did anything happen? I hope everybody is okay!" 

"Don't worry, everything is alright. Well, maybe not exactly but at least I hope everything will be alright soon." He didn't look at her when he spoke. Instead he tried to hide his own nervousness by avoiding her gaze. 

"You are talking in riddles again. Do you have an idea how annoying this is? Why can't you just say what you mean for once?" 

"I wish it was that easy." He smiled weakly. She was obviously displeased by his evasive behavior and he actually understood why. He would have also preferred to be able to just tell her what he wanted to get out. "It would be much easier that way for me as well but unfortunately I just can't do it that way. I already told you how difficult it is for me to tell other people about what's going on inside of me. It is as if I would give them to power to see right through me and then there would be no place left to hide." 

He had hoped to get her understanding but this time no smile of sympathy reached her lips. Instead she seemed to be clearly enraged by his words. "Do you really think I'm just another face in the crowd? Am I just another stranger to you, nothing more?" 

"Of course not!" He tried to defend himself but he still couldn't help but notice the trace of disappointment and sadness in her angry voice. 

"Then why do you act as if you couldn't trust me at all? I'm telling you almost everything about me and about my thoughts and fears and you still don't let me into your life!" Hikari now began to regret her decision to come over. Obviously he still wasn't ready to open his heart to anyone. It would only hurt her even more if she now told him about her true feelings for him. 

The brunette girl quickly rose from the couch and turned to leave in a hurry but Yamato grabbed her hand and didn't let go. "Please, Hikari, try to understand me! I really want you to be part of my life but I'm also afraid. I just don't want to lose you!" 

She had stopped dead in her tracks at his words. He still clung to her hand which now hung limply by her side but she didn't turn around to face him. She could feel her eyes watering but she didn't want him to see her like that or at least not now. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence she finally whispered: "What do you mean when you say you want me to be part of your life?" 

This time the blond boy remained mute for a few seconds which seemed like hours to both of them. He had spent the whole night thinking about how he should tell her about his constantly growing feelings for her. He had quickly gotten over all his doubts and what could possibly go wrong but it had taken him hours to find the right words. But right now that didn't matter anymore. It was so totally different form how he had imagined it. All his neat little speeches were forgotten and all that was left was uncertainty. No matter how mature and independent he may have acted all the time now he was just an insecure little boy who was afraid of being left behind. 

Finally he began to speak in a trembling voice: 

"I... I want to be with you. I don't want to be just another friend to you anymore. I want you to be mine and only mine! It took me so long to realize what I really feel for you but now that I finally understand my feelings I don't want to have to hide them. 

I love you Hikari! I thought I could finally tell you, now that I have nothing left to lose but I was wrong. I'm afraid of losing you, more than ever before!" He finally let go of her hand and added in a whisper: "Just don't hate me, please." 

Again the apartment was silent for a few moments. Neither of them was ready to say another word without probably breaking down. So they just remained in their former positions a little longer just thinking about what just had been said. 

Hikari was the first one to move again. She slowly turned around to face him again. He also raised his head slowly and finally their eyes met both of them full of fear and a little hope. At first they just stared at each other but then Hikari tried to utter a few words but no sound left her quivering lips. Eventually she gave up and flung her arms around Yamato's neck who immediately returned the loving embrace. 

No more words where exchanged this evening. They remained in almost the same position cuddled up together on the small couch and enjoying the closeness and warmth of each other until they fell asleep together. 

* * *

A.N.: Sorry, for the long wait. I guess this is the last chapter. I really didn't feel like continuing this any longer and I wanted to finish one of my stories anyway. 

No song this time. It's probably no big deal but I didn't know how to fit one in and I didn't know which one to use either. I just hope the end is not too disappointing. I'm not really good at writing romance. Actually I'm not good at writing at all but who cares … 

Now be nice and leave a review. Please! ^__^ 


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